we are living in a loneliness epidemic
I had an experience last week that really made me want to dig in on this topic and think of practical ways to combat the loneliness epidemic we’re currently living in.
Yes, I said “loneliness epidemic”. This is a phrase that picked up notoriety in 2021, but it has been a truth of our world for much longer. The stats below were complied in 2019, meaning the data came from far before then:
And while these speak mostly to the elderly population, one report notes that:
“36% of all Americans—including 61% of young adults and 51% of mothers with young children—feel “serious loneliness.””
This loneliness doesn’t just affect our mental health. in 2015, a genomic researcher at UCLA discovered that loneliness changes our genes and weakens our immune system, making us less able to fight off disease and more prone to chronic inflammation. Chronic inflammation has long been linked to life-threatening illnesses such as cancer, Alzerheim’s, and depression.
So not only is loneliness hurting us emotionally and mentally, it is truly decreasing our ability to live a healthy life.
How do we combat this loneliness epidemic?
Just reading those stats breaks my heart and makes me fearful. How do we stop this? How do we impede the effects of loneliness? What does it really mean to be lonely and how do we address those needs?
If you simply google the phrase “how do we combat loneliness”, you’ll see results similar to these:
Notice this language. It’s so aggressive and individualistic. There’s no mention of how groups of people can overcome loneliness, it’s all about the lonely person fixing it themselves with vigor and action.
I’d like to propose some more gentle, communal ways of overcoming loneliness.
Tips for people who want to help others feel less lonely:
Talk to strangers: as an extrovert, I know this is easier for someone like me than an introvert who wants to help. But it truly costs you nothing to just try and have a conversation with someone who looks like they may be feeling lonely. I feel like we all know these people: the elderly person slowly shopping alone; the young woman not listening to music or reading, slowly looking around the waiting area; the man having trouble getting items into his car. These are people who, though they probably won’t ask for it, desperately want to feel a connection. Even if just for a moment.
Volunteer: if putting yourself out there in regular life feels too extreme, find something you’re passionate about and volunteer your time in a scheduled way. Be intentional about getting to know the people you volunteer with.
Start with your own friends: finally, if meeting new people just isn’t in the cards right now, I promise that those you already love are dealing with some level of loneliness. Be the first to reach out and open up the conversation. Become the friend that regularly checks in. Let them know that, even if you don’t get to talk all the time, you’re always thinking about them and here for anything they need. I promise you’ll be shocked to learn how much more alone people you already know and love are feeling than we care to realize.
Tips for those of us feeling lonely:
Find professional help: as always, I will always recommend first seeking the support and guidance of a professional. While loneliness isn’t in and of itself a mental illness, it can lead to depression. So even if you’re just feeling a little lonely, I recommend finding a professional support system to ensure that things aren’t more advanced than you may realize. Here is a list of resources.
Share your story: this can be with a close friend, a family member, or even a kind stranger. There is scientific proof that acknowledging and expressing our feelings of loneliness immediately produces therapeutic effects on the brain and nervous system.
Serve others: yes, one of the best ways to shift our perspective from our own loneliness is to focus on the needs of others. This inadvertently allows us to experience shared humanity and realize that we are not alone in our feelings of aloneness. You can do this through volunteering, taking care of a sick loved one or neighbor, or simply being a good samaritan when the time comes.
The idea that we, as individuals, are supposed to fix our own loneliness baffles me. That’s just perpetuating the cycle of being alone, of needing to do things yourself. I think we can only combat the loneliness epidemic together.
How else will we become less alone if we do not tackle it together?
If you or a loved one are experiencing the extreme effects of loneliness such as depression or suicidal thoughts, please get help immediately by calling the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline toll-free at 800-273-8255.