When the lightbulb goes off

I think some sense literally got knocked into me last night in the form of a solid overhand two by an incredibly talented boxer.

I woke up this morning and it was like a film had been peeled back from my eyes; I could finally see.

Epiphany: TRAINING IS SUPPOSED TO BE HARD. Maybe you're sitting there thinking, "This is not revolutionary news, genius. Doesn't she know she's kickboxing? Maybe that two landed a little too hard." But I don't mean hard like, "Oh, I'm so tired." No. I mean that how I'm training needs to replicate how I will fight. (Kesha is reading this thinking, FINALLY she gets it!) 

Yesterday, I came into training feeling mentally weak and weighed down by self-doubt. Today, I feel inspired and humbled. I get to be surrounded by people that are better than me. Not only that, but people that want me to get better too. How amazing it that?! I get to have my ass handed to me every now and again just to learn from it. So it doesn't happen to me in a real fight. 

Yeah, it still hurts. Yeah, I still deal with my own demons and inner critic. Yeah, I still cry. But today, all I can think is, When do I get to do that again? 

I feel this hunger, this insatiable craving to be challenged and to grow. I don't feel like I just "need" it. That's a lame excuse for this fire. I ache for it. I long for it. My heart is racing just thinking about it. 

I want that kind of sparring and training relentlessly because I want to be great. As great as the people I get to train with. I want to come into that place of discomfort and frustration and pain and go a little further than I did last time. Stay a little more calm. Move (a lot) more. I want to become utterly comfortable with the uncomfortable. I want to grow in it. 

I feel like I finally understand just how much humility it takes to become better. You have to completely let go of how you think you're "supposed to be doing" and fully accept where you're at, all while knowing that to get where you want to be takes work. Explosive, athletic, engaged, focused, really-freaking-hard work. 

But that's why I love, love, love this sport. More and more every day, because it presents me with endless opportunities to improve. And if I don’t do as well as I wanted to? If sometimes the weight of just how hard this is gets to me? Well, the opportunity will always come again--if I'm willing to stay humble, stay in the fight and put in the work. 

Maybe I need some sense knocked into me more often...but maybe I'll still learn to roll those overhand twos. 

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