I see it and hear it all the time. People say that you need to believe in your dreams more than you believe in anything else. More than you believe in the sun, in air, more than you want anything at all EVER. Only YOU have the power to make things happen. Only then can you accomplish your goals. How melodramatic.
I think that’s complete B.S. Here’s why.
The fact is, you are NOT always going to believe in yourself. This isn’t me being a downer or a doubter or a hater or a dream crusher. This is a fact. You’re HUMAN. It’s called “certainty” and “doubt” and they continually flux from one side to the other (read up here if you're interested). If you care about something deeply, whatever that may be, you are going to experience fear and doubt and insecurity because you care about it.
When you face challenges, doubt is going to creep in. And maybe you can will yourself through 99% of the obstacles and fears you face and think, I’ve got this!
But what about when you can’t? When you've reached the end of your rope and there is nowhere to go but down? When you’re sitting on your floor crying into a bowl of mashed potatoes because you’re so frustrated and don’t know what the point is anymore? (Not that I would know anything about that...)
Because that is going to happen. You’re going to experience doubt and frustration and deal with obstacles and negative thoughts.
At some point, in a big or small way, your belief in yourself will break.
When that happens, you need support. You need OTHER PEOPLE who believe in you and your goals. You need someone in your life who can look at you in all your brokenness and defeat and doubt and self-loathing and say, “I love you. I believe in you. I know this is hard. Now keep going.”
A few days ago, I doubted myself. HARD. I have a tendency to be wildly over dramatic, so when I’m upset, it’s the end of the world. And in typical fashion, I spiraled out of control into the “I suck, I’m terrible, why am I doing this” self-talk and sent a flurry of frustrated, angry, "this is the end of everything" texts to my boyfriend.
He didn’t let me throw a pity party or patronizingly say, I’m sorry you feel that way, it’s gonna be okay. He didn’t make me feel guilty for being upset. He didn't say, You're right, maybe you should throw in the towel if you're this upset.
No. He said, “I don’t believe that and neither should you. I don’t want to hear you talk like this. You can’t just give up every time you don’t do as well as you want to. This is how you get better.”
In short, he said: I BELIEVE IN YOU. Now SHAKE IT OFF and KEEP GOING.
His reaction made me realize that I CAN'T do this alone. I need people in my life to hold me accountable to my goals because I am breakable and I will want to give up. And that's okay.
It's egotistical and utterly foolish to say that you can achieve incredible things through sheer willpower and self-reliance alone, or even that merely believing in yourself is all it takes.
Be vulnerable and honest with the people you love and that love you to tell them when you DON'T believe anymore. Because their support is the difference between unfulfilled goals and accomplishing your wildest dreams.
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