My Journey with Eating Disorders

Original Instagram post can be found here: https://www.instagram.com/p/BuaCguyjty9/

High school (2009)

Cheerleading captain, homecoming queen (the most awkward one EVER 😂), Student Life “Prefect”, Honors Student...and severely bulimic. Some nights I’d binge and purge till my eyes were bloodshot and fake sick the next day because my anxiety and shame were too intense, so debilitating that I couldn’t be around people.

College (2009-2012)

Started seeing a therapist and found exercise I loved: @crossfitdiscovery@peacelovehiphop, yoga & Zumba. But my disorder morphed, now binging 1000s of calories at once and then punishing myself with extreme workouts.

Post-college, California (2012-2015)

Working at @lululemon & @fnstrainingcenter helped fitness become part of my identity. I adored my communities and loved exercise, but my disorder changed again: body dysmorphia. No matter how fit I looked, it was never enough. I was obsessed with my appearance and linked it directly to how much love and worth I felt I deserved.

Post-California, back in Augusta (2015-2018)

I started kickboxing. Fighting changed my life; I felt capable & empowered. My focus shifted from appearance to valuing performance: getting faster, stronger, more skilled at a sport. But with competing came cutting weight. I lost so much fat that my hormones took over a year to heal. Not only that, my issues with body dysmorphia and general body anxiety came back stronger than ever.

Present day (2019)

Through @betterhelp, I finally addressed the emotional issues causing my years of eating disorders. I‘ve broken the binging/purging cycle once and for all and adopted a mindset of #bodyneutrality. I have extra fat and strong muscles. I have days of insecurity, self-love and neutrality. And for the first time, I can post a bikini picture without wanting to physically hurt myself.

It’s taken 10 YEARS to get here. Friend, if you’re suffering from eating disorders: ask for help; try to be kind & patient with yourself; know you are loved, you are not alone, & you can and will heal ❤️