Loneliness epidemic: How we can create meaningful connection

we are living in a loneliness epidemic

I had an experience last week that really made me want to dig in on this topic and think of practical ways to combat the loneliness epidemic we’re currently living in.

Yes, I said “loneliness epidemic”. This is a phrase that picked up notoriety in 2021, but it has been a truth of our world for much longer. The stats below were complied in 2019, meaning the data came from far before then:

And while these speak mostly to the elderly population, one report notes that:

“36% of all Americans—including 61% of young adults and 51% of mothers with young children—feel “serious loneliness.””
— Harvard Graduate School Study

This loneliness doesn’t just affect our mental health. in 2015, a genomic researcher at UCLA discovered that loneliness changes our genes and weakens our immune system, making us less able to fight off disease and more prone to chronic inflammation. Chronic inflammation has long been linked to life-threatening illnesses such as cancer, Alzerheim’s, and depression.

So not only is loneliness hurting us emotionally and mentally, it is truly decreasing our ability to live a healthy life.

How do we combat this loneliness epidemic?

Just reading those stats breaks my heart and makes me fearful. How do we stop this? How do we impede the effects of loneliness? What does it really mean to be lonely and how do we address those needs?

If you simply google the phrase “how do we combat loneliness”, you’ll see results similar to these:

Notice this language. It’s so aggressive and individualistic. There’s no mention of how groups of people can overcome loneliness, it’s all about the lonely person fixing it themselves with vigor and action.

I’d like to propose some more gentle, communal ways of overcoming loneliness.

Tips for people who want to help others feel less lonely:

  • Talk to strangers: as an extrovert, I know this is easier for someone like me than an introvert who wants to help. But it truly costs you nothing to just try and have a conversation with someone who looks like they may be feeling lonely. I feel like we all know these people: the elderly person slowly shopping alone; the young woman not listening to music or reading, slowly looking around the waiting area; the man having trouble getting items into his car. These are people who, though they probably won’t ask for it, desperately want to feel a connection. Even if just for a moment.

  • Volunteer: if putting yourself out there in regular life feels too extreme, find something you’re passionate about and volunteer your time in a scheduled way. Be intentional about getting to know the people you volunteer with.

  • Start with your own friends: finally, if meeting new people just isn’t in the cards right now, I promise that those you already love are dealing with some level of loneliness. Be the first to reach out and open up the conversation. Become the friend that regularly checks in. Let them know that, even if you don’t get to talk all the time, you’re always thinking about them and here for anything they need. I promise you’ll be shocked to learn how much more alone people you already know and love are feeling than we care to realize.

Tips for those of us feeling lonely:

  • Find professional help: as always, I will always recommend first seeking the support and guidance of a professional. While loneliness isn’t in and of itself a mental illness, it can lead to depression. So even if you’re just feeling a little lonely, I recommend finding a professional support system to ensure that things aren’t more advanced than you may realize. Here is a list of resources.

  • Share your story: this can be with a close friend, a family member, or even a kind stranger. There is scientific proof that acknowledging and expressing our feelings of loneliness immediately produces therapeutic effects on the brain and nervous system.

  • Serve others: yes, one of the best ways to shift our perspective from our own loneliness is to focus on the needs of others. This inadvertently allows us to experience shared humanity and realize that we are not alone in our feelings of aloneness. You can do this through volunteering, taking care of a sick loved one or neighbor, or simply being a good samaritan when the time comes.

The idea that we, as individuals, are supposed to fix our own loneliness baffles me. That’s just perpetuating the cycle of being alone, of needing to do things yourself. I think we can only combat the loneliness epidemic together.

How else will we become less alone if we do not tackle it together?

If you or a loved one are experiencing the extreme effects of loneliness such as depression or suicidal thoughts, please get help immediately by calling the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline toll-free at 800-273-8255.

What it feels like to suffer from eating disorders

I found this in my blog drafts from June 1, 2017. It’s emotional. It’s vulnerable. I feel like it’s important for me to share what I was going through for anyone else who is lost in their own sea of despair, struggling with eating disorders. I won’t add too much to this, but know that I was able to overcome this moment through therapy, prayer, and amazing friends and family. You can survive and thrive after moments like this.

I sat in the car and cried. Right outside of work. Right there in the parking lot. The landscapers tried not to look at me too hard but I know they could tell. 

I read an article recently that said living with anxiety and depression is like living with two really shitty roommates. And it's true. When it's under control, they usually stay in their room and keep quiet. But every now and then, and sometimes more often than that, they step out just to make sure you remember your place. 

I have been on a diet in some way, shape or form since I was 15. I have hated my body for 11 years. I have been in a constant state of self-hate and angst for over a decade. 

But I know I'm not alone. I know I'm not the only one who let the lie of perfection seep into their soul and strangle the happiness out of their life. And for 11 years, I've been desperately trying to revive it with the holy water of sweat and tears that I was told would make me happy. Make me beautiful. Make fit, desirable, worthwhile. 

How many days have been wasted behind the haze of self-hate? How many meals have come back up because I didn't deserve to eat them? How many photos and memories have I rejected because I didn't have the body I wanted yet?

I weep for my past self. I weep for my current self. I weep for all the women who feel the crushing weight of perfection and the sickening, consuming need to look a certain way in order to love themselves. 

Please seek professional help if you are suffering from an eating disorder, depression, or any mental illness. Visit a full list of resources here.

My History with Eating Disorders

This is a reshare of an Instagram post I wrote back in 2019. I felt like it was worth sharing here on my blog!

1️⃣
High school (2009) Cheerleading captain, homecoming queen (the most awkward one EVER 😂), Student Life “Prefect”, Honors Student...and severely bulimic. Some nights I’d binge and purge till my eyes were bloodshot and fake sick the next day because my anxiety and shame were too intense, so debilitating that I couldn’t be around people.

High School 2009

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College (2009-2012) Started seeing a therapist and found exercise I loved: @crossfitdiscovery, @peacelovehiphop, yoga & Zumba. But my disorder morphed, now binging 1000s of calories at once and then punishing myself with extreme workouts.

College 2011


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Post-college, California (2012-2015) Working at @lululemon & @fnstrainingcenter helped fitness become part of my identity. I adored my communities and loved exercise, but my disorder changed again: body dysmorphia. No matter how fit I looked, it was never enough. I was obsessed with my appearance and linked it directly to how much love and worth I felt I deserved.

Lululemon 2014


4️⃣
Post-California, back in Augusta (2015-2018) I started kickboxing. Fighting changed my life; I felt capable & empowered. My focus shifted from appearance to valuing performance: getting faster, stronger, more skilled at a sport. But with competing came cutting weight. I lost so much fat that my hormones took over a year to heal. Not only that, my issues with body dysmorphia and general body anxiety came back stronger than ever.

IKF Championship 2017


5️⃣
Present day (2019) Through @betterhelp, I finally addressed the emotional issues causing my years of eating disorders. I‘ve broken the binging/purging cycle once and for all and adopted a mindset of #bodyneutrality. I have extra fat and strong muscles. I have days of insecurity, self-love and neutrality. And for the first time, I can post a bikini picture without wanting to physically hurt myself.

Beach 2019

I wrote this back in 2019, it’s amazing to remember the journey I’ve had in this battle with food disorders. It’s taken so much support from friends, loved ones, coaches, and therapists. I had to make hard decisions about what was TRULY best for me, like the decision to stop fighting because of how triggering it was for my body issues and how truly hard it was on my body. The decision to stop working in fitness because I had become so obsessed with fitness as a definition of myself.

These were not easy choices. But I can confidently tell you, they were for the absolute best. I am happier than I’ve been in a long time. I don’t think about my body like I used to. I celebrate her! I love my rolls, my strength, my space.

It has taken TIME, friend. SO much time. Over a decade. And I’m sure that I will continue to face new versions of this disorder as my life and body continue to change.

But I hope my story can give you hope and give you the motivation to get help. Change is possible and freedom from those never-ending thoughts is a future you can have.

Please, if you have not asked for help, find a therapist on to BetterHelp or reach out to the National Association for Eating Disorders to find a resource near you.

Love you, you matter ❤️

Relaxation Techniques for Chronic Anxiety

How to relax when living with chronic anxiety

Sometimes it’s hard to relax. We work busy jobs, have personal lives, basic needs to fulfill, and on top of that, we’re living in a COVID world. So even for the everyday person, relaxation can feel like a faraway beach somewhere (literally and figuratively).

But what about when you’re living with chronic anxiety? In that case, relaxation feels like a foreign country with closed borders and they’re definitely not letting us in.

So I’ve put together some helpful tips based on personal experience and (insert Bill Nye voice) science! Enjoy 🤟

Practice Deep Breathing

How many times have you seen this on a list? Probably too many. You know why? Because it works. Deep breathing activates our parasympathetic nervous system (big word for our body’s relaxation response).

Here’s what the University of Toledo has to say: “Deep breathing and relaxation activate the other part of your nervous system, the parasympathetic nervous system, which sends a signal to your brain to tell the anxious part that you’re safe and don’t need to use the fight, flight, or freeze response. Deep breathing gets more oxygen to the thinking brain. Also, by addressing the physical, fight, flight and freeze symptoms directly, you are freeing up mental energy to address other symptoms.”

Watch this quick video to learn how to do deep breathing:

Schedule Relaxation Minutes

You didn’t know this would involve a super sexy calendar plan, did you? Yes, I said schedule relaxation minutes. What I mean is, when you have chronic anxiety or are living in a state of constant overdrive, you do not simply relax. In my experience, the best way to help myself move closer into a state of relaxation, I need to give myself permission to step away.

Permission to put my phone down. Permission to breathe. And for me, that means creating a schedule! I honor appointments to others and have found that I can honor appointments to myself in the same way.

Start with 10 minutes of scheduled relaxation time.

Put it on your calendar at some point in the day and don’t miss the appointment. Simply remove yourself from whatever situation you’re in and give yourself permission to practice your breathing, listen to calming music, or meditate.

Move and Breathe (at the same time)

If sitting still and breathing is not your cup of tea and actually makes you feel MORE anxious just thinking about it, I’ve got another tip for you. There have been scholarly studies that show we can improve our emotional state by linking our breath with our movements.

This could be through a simple workout, walking, yoga, dance, whatever movement you want. The key is actively linking your breath with each and every movement. Inhaling with one movement, exhaling with another…and so on and so forth.

The key is keeping the breath at focus and allowing any negative, neutral, or even happy emotions to simply pass through you.

Go to Therapy

If none of these techniques feel like they’re working, it’s best to speak with a professional who can help address the core drivers in your anxiety. Medication, therapy, or a combination of both could be the best thing to help you begin to release some of your anxious state so you can truly feel relaxed, even if just for a moment.

Online therapy:

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline toll-free at 800-273-8255.

How's your mental health?

A LOT has changed since March 2019. Personally, I got: engaged, promoted, married, hired somewhere else, and relocated to a new city. Then 2020 in all of it’s “end of the world as we know it” glory came steamrolling in and I crumbled. The first few months of this year, I was having panic attacks and losing so much hair that I had to get my bloodwork checked just to make sure nothing was seriously wrong.

Blood work came back fine. Meaning: it was all stress.

So you know what I did? I GOT (legal and prescribed from a physician) DRUGS. I fully support the use of medication to treat any and all mental health problems. No stigma. But that’s a blog for another day.

Now, how to treat mental health, in general, is a divisive topic.

In one corner, we have the holistic health practitioners and Eastern medicine saying, “DRUGS DON’T SOLVE THE ROOT PROBLEM, YOU NEED MEDITATION AND MINDFULNESS AND BREATHWORK!”

In the other corner, you have Western medicine and medically-trained healthcare professionals saying, “YOUR BRAIN LITERALLY DOES NOT CREATE THE HORMONES YOU NEED TO BE HAPPY, SCIENCE IS THE ONLY THING THAT CAN FIX IT!”

Ding-ding-ding! The round begins and who do you think wins?!

……No one.

Because treating mental health through a single approach is the fastest and easiest way to over-simplifying a very complex and personal problem.

Time for me to insert my opinion (because that’s what you came here for right?):

The healthiest way to treat mental health problems like anxiety and depression is through a combination of both mindfulness, therapy, breathwork, and if your physician thinks it’s right for you, medication.

The most important thing I hope you take away from this is that there’s no single, correct way to treat mental health problems. There is one wrong way though: ignore them.

If you’re struggling with anxiety, depression, suicidal, or self-harm related thoughts, don’t wait. Get help. Speak with a family member, a friend, a hotline, or your doctor.

Online therapy:

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline toll-free at 800-273-8255.

How To Cope with Emotional Eating

Who here likes to eat their feelings?

Y’all feel me though right?! Emotional eating. Let’s talk about it.

Emotions are SO CLOSELY related to food. From being excited about your parents letting you eat candy when you’re young, getting a special treat when you won your soccer game, your mom taking you out for ice cream when your first boyfriend broke your heart, the emotions you feel eating the Christmas cookies your grandma used to make herself, the relaxation you feel as you sip that glass of wine, the guilt (and possible hangover) you feel when you have a few too many glasses.

For most of us, food = feelings and memories. The good, the bad and the ugly, if we feel it, we’ve probably eaten something to go along with it.

How do i cope with emotional eating?

I’ve shared my journey with binging, eating disorders and cutting weight previously, so I won’t dig in to those topics here. But obviously, emotional eating ties right in with a history of eating disorders. And while I hope that you do not have a full blown eating disorder, many of us find ourselves stuck in a cycle of emotional eating OR just know that if a stressful day hits—we’re done for. So how do we: one, get out of the emotional eating cycle and two, prepare ourselves so that the next time the tough emotions come a-knockin’ (because we know they inevitably will), we aren’t waist deep in Doritos by the end of the night?

When the emotions have taken over and you’re already Eating your heart out:

Don’t be so hard on yourself.

This is one of those “easier said than done” moments. I get it. Because I have friends and family say this to me at LEAST once a week. So take it from the Queen of Unnecessarily-Hard-On-Myself Land—STOP beating yourself up! It will not make you stop eating your feelings, it will only cause more shame/guilt/desire to eat yourself into oblivion. Trust me.

When you feel the need to feed coming on but catch yourself:

Channel your emotions into something other than food.

Stressful work meeting causing you to make a beeline for the candy bowl? Take a walk (to somewhere other than the kitchen). Call a friend and TALK ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS (novel idea isn’t it?). Pet a dog, any dog will do, they all love pats. Start writing a blog about how to stop emotional eating (hi, hello, I’m Taylor and I write about what I’m going through!).

When you’re questioning the meaning of life post-Food Coma:

Ask yourself: what am/was I avoiding by eating?

When I was deep in my eating disorders, I wasn’t actually upset with my body. Yes, I 100% took my emotions OUT on my body and used food as the vehicle through which I could channel my inner turmoil and then focus all my attention on my body. Something I could fix, something I could control. You know what I was really running from though? Years of anxiety caused from traumatic experiences: my mom getting breast cancer when I was young, my parents never being together, growing up feeling different than my friends because I only had one parent, feeling like a mistake for being born. Those were some DEEP SCARS. But instead of digging into those pains, I turned to food, binging, purging, and hating myself. Because those were things I could touch, feel, taste. Emotions are not so tangible (sadly, because I’d love to know what joy ACTUALLY tastes like! I’m guessing something like birthday cake and 4th of July potluck food. Not at the same time. That’d be gross.)

When you’re feeling more self-aware, this step can be used BEFORE you start eating those feelings. Because as we know, if you’re eating emotions, something is causing you to feel that way. Maybe it isn’t something happening in the moment or maybe it is. But through practice, patience and self-compassion, you can start to slow down and ask yourself, What’s really going on here? And maybe you’ll still want to eat that pint of Ben and Jerry’s! I’m not stopping you. But I hope that you’ll also be able to really lean in to whatever is at the ROOT of your desire to eat.

Chances are, you won’t feel the need to binge anymore. You’ll feel super proud of yourself for being so in tune with your ~~feEeEeLiNgS~~.

How do you cope with emotional eating? Drop me a comment below and tell me what works for you! I’d love to hear :)

Anxiety Isn't

Anxiety isn’t always apparent.

Anxiety isn’t crying in the corner.

Anxiety isn’t the quiet kid.

Anxiety isn’t logical.

Anxiety isn’t concerned with your social status.

Anxiety isn’t what you think it is.

It’s much, much more.

I had a panic attack whilst apparently laughing, smiling and having a good time. As soon as I was done pretending, I ran to the bathroom to use my inhaler because I felt like my chest was going to implode and my lungs were going to burst into flames and my throat was going to swallow the rest of my body whole. I was having a panic attack, but no one was the wiser.

I think in our minds, we see anxiety as this very obvious, very distinct behavior pattern or type of person. And that just isn’t true. Mental illness affects millions of people and we hide it. Everyday. Living in plain sight.

If I were cleverer, I’d pretend it’s like having a superpower. A keen sensitivity to my surroundings, to the energies around me. But I’m not, and it doesn’t feel like a superpower. It feels like a weakness. Something that makes me less than everyone else.

Do you feel that way too? If so, I highly recommend talking to a professional! I use writing as a creative outlet, but sometimes you need someone who can talk without emotions getting in the way. I’ve been a user of BetterHelp on and off for several years and absolutely adore my counselor.

There’s nothing wrong with you (or me), anxiety, depression and a multitude of other mental health issues affect millions of people every day. So if you’re feeling them overwhelm of going through it alone, remember that you don’t have to.

Gratitude Journal Giveaway

I’M SO EXCITED to share a FREE GRATITUDE JOURNAL!!!! I’ve teamed up with Taylor Best (yes, two Taylors does equal 2x the awesome) of Taylor Best Creative. She is an incredibly talented graphic designer and photographer and agreed to help me bring this idea to life.

tenor.gif

This is a single-sheet that you can print out to turn into your own book or print off one at a time on days that you really need it.

Why should i care about “Gratitude”?

There’s a continually growing body of research supporting the theory that gratitude is one of the most powerful practices in cultivating emotional resilience, stability and overall happiness. Based on this scientific evidence, gratitude can make you:

  1. Happier than money or things

  2. Emotionally strong

  3. Physically healthier

  4. Better at your job

  5. Get better quality sleep

Feels like five solid reasons to start practicing gratitude, amiright? And if that’s not enough, here’s a couple more articles.

How do I start a “gratitude practice”?

So gratitude is great and awesome and all that but what does it mean to “practice gratitude”? GLAD YOU ASKED! It’s so easy to think about something like soccer practice. If someone told you that you needed to get better at soccer, you’d go to practice. You’d show up at a set time every day, do the drills given to you, work hard, go home. Do it all over again, day after day.

Practice is practice, no matter what you’re talking about. In order to get better at gratitude, you have to practice it.

Start by having a journal and setting a time and place to use it. Whether it’s at the end of the day, middle or beginning, set your time to practice. If you use the download, you’ll have a couple different areas of life to think about: present day, general life and specific people and events. Some days might be easier for certain areas and vice versa—but that’s the point of practice! Being grateful for every part of you day and your life will feel more natural over time and, as you now know, reverberate positivity and health into all parts of your life.

I hope you enjoy starting or continuing your current gratitude practice with the help of this handy guide!

Check out Taylor Best Creative website and instagram for more beautiful photos and art!

Gratitude: why it matters and how to get better at it

This past week, life did that thing where everything got terrifyingly and unstoppably out of control. And despite my feelings of guilt and frustration…the world kept spinning.

The only thing that changed was my attitude. So let’s jump on in.

What does gratitude mean?

Gratitude is defined as the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness: she expressed her gratitude to the committee for their support. 

That’s why gratitude comes up so much around Thanksgiving. It can be considered one and the same. So if it makes it easier to think of ways to be “grateful” just replace it with “thankful”.

What does gratitude feel like?

I find that when I express gratitude, I’m overcome by a sense of humility.

Let me explain. I have a choice about how to react when awful or even slightly frustrating things happen. I can choose to be angry and tell myself, “I don’t deserve for something like that to happen to me.”

In essence, I’m saying that I’m better than my problems or my hardships.

That I am somehow exempt from those things happening to me. And I often feel that way. I get pissed and think, “I didn’t deserve that. I should be better than that happening.”

But when I choose to show gratitude for those experiences, I am choosing to humble myself to that experience and accept the truth that I’m not better than what happens to me.

I don’t necessarily deserve for good or bad things to happen or not happen. I’m alive by the grace of God and have ZERO control as to what happens to me in life, despite my constant pretending that I do. When you stop telling yourself that you “deserve” anything in life, you create space to be thankful for everything in life, even the hardships.

Gratitude keeps me humble. It reminds me that no matter the circumstance, I am called to be thankful.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18  (NIV)

Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

It’s not just about saying, “I’m thankful for this terrible thing that I actually hate.” Do you really think that’s ever going to feel genuine? Definitely not.

Truly accepting that there is beauty and grace in both the good and bad things will slowly shift the way you experience LIFE.

It can be a challenge but practice thinking about the greater good and the lesson that is derived from whatever hardship you’re dealing with. Here’s what it looks like for me.

I’m grateful for:

  • Late nights at the office because I know that my effort doesn’t go unseen and hard work always paves the way to better rewards

  • Bills because, while paying them off is stressful, they teach me how to be mindful and thoughtful with how I spend my money elsewhere

  • Injuries because they give me space to slow down and heal and teach me to appreciate my body

  • Hard training sessions because they fuel the desire to win so much more than winning does alone

Just like everything else in life, gratitude takes practice. When I first started keeping a gratitude journal, I only focused on the obviously good things. It’s much, much easier, but is also a necessary part of practicing gratitude, something we’ll talk more about later.

To help you get better, check out my free Gratitude Journal!

How to Recover after a Binge

I’m writing this because I need it.

Because I still struggle with eating disorders. It’s a life long battle and I know that.

But I also know it gets better. Because after over ten years of living with eating and anxiety disorders, I’ve experienced it all. Whether you’re actively seeking help to overcome a binge disorder or you’re a seasoned vet who just had a hard day and fell back onto old habits, here are some things that help me move forward in a healthy way:

text a friend

  1. Tell Someone Who Loves You

    This. It’s the first step and the hardest step because part of what gives binging its power is that it’s a secret. A dirty, nasty, shameful secret that you don’t want to tell anyone because if you don’t tell…you can just pretend it isn’t a problem. Binging can be triggered by so many things: a stressful event, boredom turned sadness, loneliness, the list goes on. The binge is already being used as a shield to hide from whatever is causing it—so shine light on it. Tell someone who loves you that you had a binge and you’re feeling crappy now. Tell them they don’t have to say anything but you just needed someone to know. Whenever I share the fact that I binged, it doesn’t matter what the other person says: I immediately feel a weight lifted because I know that I don’t have to hide from my problems or behind my mistakes. I can admit I did something that didn’t make me feel good and it paves the way to taking more actions that DO make me feel good.

2. Figure Out the Root

Was it a bad day at work? A nagging stress that finally came to a head? A picture on social media that just made you feel less-than? Literally all of those things have driven me to into the arms of my eating disorder. And I’m sure in the future, those things will again. IT HAPPENS. But knowing what your triggers are and ways to avoid them drastically limits the likelihood of it being the same event, over and over again. So grab a pen and paper and write down what’s going on in there; being honest with yourself about the real reason helps refocus your mind from feeling guilty or upset about bingeing to truly dealing with whatever your trigger was.

3. Treat Yourself Like Your Best Friend

you are worthy of love

This is one of my favorite rules and one that my best friend constantly reminds me of when I try to overcorrect after a binge. I’ll always say something like, “I just won’t eat today!” and her response is, “Would you EVER tell me to do that if I were in your shoes?” Of course not. That’s insane. You don’t need to punish yourself for binging. Would you tell someone you love that they don’t deserve to eat because they were upset and fell back on their eating disorder??? Only an jerk would do that. So don’t be an jerk to yourself. Remember, you are worthy of love and you can treat the next day like you would any other, no self-inflicted punishment required.

If you struggle with eating disorders or anxiety disorders that show up through binging, purging or a combination of all of the above, don’t hesitate to get help. I'm a staunch advocate for BetterHelp, a secure, online service that connects you with a professional counselor or psychologist for a flat monthly fee. I’ve used it during very stressful times in my life and walked away with the behavioral and mindset tools that keep me mentally healthy for the long run! If you’re actively struggling with any of these issues, please check it out!

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Sharing is Caring: We all deal with insecurity

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The truth is, from the depths of my soul, I am incredibly insecure. Deeply, painfully, embarrassingly at times. I feel like less of a person when other people get compliments. I lash out if I feel like I'm not the center of attention. I have difficulty being happy for others' successes or accomplishments--I mostly feel jealousy and a fear that it makes me...less. Less than perfect. Less beautiful. Less intelligent. Less loved. Less important. Less successful.

The hard truth is that jealousy and insecurity are just different manifestations of the same feeling: worthlessness. 

I have at least 5 blogs about worth, comparison and the like. But the reason I continue to share my struggles with worthlessness, jealousy, insecurity, and meaning is because I know that in some way, shape or form--you feel it too. 

You, whoever you are. There are moments, maybe late at night, alone in the dark, when you look at the ceiling and tell yourself, "I'm not as handsome as him. I'm not as successful as her." And you know that those thoughts are just part of a bigger, deeper longing to be enough. To feel like you're worth a damn. 

I'm here to tell you that you are worth a damn. And thankfully, no amount of jealousy or comparison or doubt or hate for others success will make you enough. We can find hope in something better and more beautiful than the darkness of insecurity and loneliness. I believe that our meaning is given to us by God; that our worth comes from grace and the price that was paid. Nothing else can fill that hole the way that He can. 

But even if you don't share that exact view, you're still loved. You are still worthy, you are still enough. The breath in your lungs is precious; the yearnings of your soul bring something beautiful and unique and wholly yours into the world. Perhaps you don't find your worth in God, but please, take a moment to internalize the truth that the existence of someone else does not detract from how bright and beautiful and necessary your light is. 

I have no solution. I have no how-to step. I'm just a broken, sinful person who struggles, daily, with feeling jealous, insecure, and worthless. But one of my core beliefs is that we give power to what we hide. Only by sharing our personal struggles can we realize that we are not alone. Only together can we support and encourage each other to become better, more confident, more secure, more self-aware, more peaceful, more loving human beings. 

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So, friend, you are not alone. And while I may not have answers, I have courage and strength in the knowledge that we all share the burden of finding worth, of feeling shame and insecurity and jealousy.

And together, we can share our stories, share our struggles, and in time, share our freedom. 

If this post resonated with you, shoot me an email at taylorguido@gmail.com or leave a comment! And if it didn't, please feel free to still email or comment, I'd love to know your thoughts and your take on it. 

How to Achieve Body Neutrality

Body Neutrality: my latest obsessive thought. I saw this instagram post by @stupideasypaleo (Steph Gaudreau), had to read the whole blog. And then my mind exploded. 

Post and photo property of @stupideasypaleo 

Post and photo property of @stupideasypaleo 

This. THIS. It's such a healthy and coveted place to be. As of late, I too have found myself in a more neutral state. And while that is completely ground breaking for someone who suffered from eating disorders and body obsession, it dawned on me that the change happened so gradually, so slowly over such a long period of time that I almost didn't realize it happened. 

So then the question becomes how? How did I get to a place of body neutrality? How did I wake up one day and look at myself in the mirror and feel neither hate nor joy? How do I now have more thoughts about living my life than about the container from which I experience it (i.e. this bag of bones)? 

How I've Reached a Place of Body Neutrality (And you can too)

Read about it

I loved Steph's post and fangirled a little when she mentioned having read Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself by Kristen Neff. That book was a game changer for me and a tool that I highly recommend. I would highly, highly recommend finding a resource to help you get started so that way, you always have a tool to refer back to. I'm also a huge fan of Brene Brown; she has a million resources on her website that are a great place to start!

Intentionally practice it

Research and knowledge are the keys to getting started, but the bottom line is that it not only takes time to change your mindset--it takes consistent effort over time. The unglamorous truth is that the only way to improve a skill is to practice it over and over and over and over and over and over (and you get the picture) again, without any real end in sight and with intention.

Pick a single thought pattern to address at a time. For example, if you have a specific body part that you hate, pay attention when you start thinking negatively about it. Instead of replacing that thought with something completely positive (that you may not even believe to be true), follow it up with something neutral. 

Example:

Initial Negative thought: I hate my arms, they're way too big and make me self-conscious. 

Following Neutral thought: My arms are not incredibly skinny but they are also not incredibly large. The more I think about it, they're probably just average. 

It does not have to be something profound or meaningful or groundbreaking. It just needs to be something neutral and true to you. Just focus on one thing at a time, mindfully addressing the negative thought when it comes up and after time, maybe days or weeks or months in your particular case, you'll start automatically thinking about that body part in a more neutral way. 

Meditate 

I don't think it would be a blog post by yours truly if I didn't mention meditation. Giving yourself the space to think about nothing at all frees your brain up to think differently about everything. In no uncertain terms, I can say that meditation has changed the way I relate to the world around me. As always, I suggest Headspace but I've also started using an app called Digipill, where you can download slightly longer, more specific meditations onto your phone to use whenever you like. 

Ask for help

And of course, if you feel like the Shangri-La of body neutrality is just too far away to reach on your own, ask for help! Invite a close friend or relative to join you by holding you accountable, asking how you're doing, or whatever works for you. Another huge breakthrough for me was getting professional help online through BetterHelp, an online counseling platform in which you pay a subscription fee to receive online counseling and tools from a mental health professional. I've used it on and off again, a couple months at a time, for several years now. I can't recommend it enough if you have SO many negative thoughts that change on your own feels impossible. 

Obviously, these are just the things that have worked for me. It's not a comprehensive list, I've done other things along the way, but when I sat down to write this blog these are the four that stuck out to me so clearly in hindsight. 

I'd love to hear if body neutrality is something you're interested in as well and if you found these tools helpful! 

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Learn to love "No"

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"That won't work."

"We already have something like that."

"I'm not sure that's what we're looking for."

"No."

How do you react to these statements? Do they break your spirit? They break mine. Over and over and over again, I am continuously faced with the answer: no. It can crush your creative spirit, your will to offer ideas, your desire to improve. 

But it can also be the catalyst for those very things. 

It doesn't happen over night and it doesn't happen by accident. It takes conscious practice and effort to change your innate response to being told no. It takes mindfulness, courage, vulnerability, and patience. But it can be done. 

If it couldn't, I wouldn't be writing this blog. I wouldn't have been inspired to create when I encountered yet another road block. But because I have fallen flat on my face, stumbled over so many other difficulties up until this point, this time I was able to choose a different response. Next time I may sit down and cry and need a pep talk...but not this time. 

It's a messy way to live. It's never perfect. But those sparks of creativity and growth that come from learning to love setbacks and the struggle can become incredibly powerful tools of communication, pieces of art, solutions to problems. 

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What comes to mind when you read this? A physical challenge? A relationship? A project you're working on? Whatever it is, just notice it. Don't think about more ways to change or challenge or fight it. Just stay aware. And the next time you're hit with that version of "No", choose to react differently. 

Practice, practice, practice. That's all it is. Learning to love "No" will give you the ability to experience hardships and struggles and only become stronger, more equipped to handle difficulties, and more confident in yourself. 

Food controls my world

Food controls my world. It does. And not in a healthy way. I am constantly thinking about food. How much I can have, when I can have it, what I can and can't have, how much I want those things that I can't have, assigning guilt and reward to food...the list goes on. 

How much of my life has involved wasted emotional and mental energy surrounding food? I shudder at the thought of it. I've shared before that I struggled with eating disorders all through high school. Now, in my late twenties, I realize that I may not be performing the act of an eating disorder, my disordered eating still exists. 

Until we face the root of the problem, we will continue to subject ourselves to a mindset that limits us. I have spent at least 10 years limiting myself to thoughts about food, when really, my desire is so much deeper. Isn't it like that for all of us? It's easy to identify in other people but sometimes it takes years and years of peeling back the layers to get to what we really struggle with. 

And it may not be just one thing. For me, it's so many little things intertwined: my need for control, my fear of abandonment, my fear of inadequacy, my pride. Together they form a dark film through which I see myself and early on in life, locked in on food and body image. 

So instead of putting in the hard, emotional, never-ending work of addressing those underlying fears...I obsess over calories and cellulite and never missing a workout. And my mind and my heart become smaller, less open to explore difficult and challenging topics. 

Ironically, in my quest for more control, I ended up letting food control me...because it was easier than learning how to let go. And I can't be abandoned by food, it's always around. And inadequacy is easier to measure when you just focus on your physical body. And why work on humility when you can demand perfection that you can be proud of? 

While a different context, it makes me think of the Bible verse that talks about pointing out a speck in your brother's eye but having a log in your own. 

It is much easier to see what other people use at crutches, just like my own. And when it comes to other people, the only thing I've ever experienced when sharing my own struggles...is compassion. 

Every time I'm brave enough to write or speak about my own struggles, 9 out of 10 people respond with compassion. Why? Maybe because that's the only time we allow ourselves to be kind. 

So instead of challenging you to not point out other people's shields, I challenge us to have the same compassion and gentleness with ourselves. You may not be able to see what's blocking and shaping your current reality...but as we all know, it's there. So be gentle with yourself in figuring out what those underlying fears are. Be open to exploring those feelings and taking whatever steps you need to create a life that gives you more. 

We are the only ones that limit our reality. And I truly believe that if we allow ourselves to experience the same compassion and kindness that we give to others who are struggling, we can be the ones who set ourselves free. 

Season of Self-Doubt

Seasons. It always comes back to seasons. Waiting anxiously for one to come and another to go, enjoying the beauty of some and hating the harshness of others. 

And just like nature, we grow in season. Even when we feel like we're shrinking or dying...we're growing. Rupi Kaur's latest book of poems, The Sun and Her Flowers, is a beautiful testament to what seasons of human life truly look like. 

I've been in a season of doubt. A season of dried up creativity, of looking around and seeing everyone else blooming while all my petals fall to the floor. It's been a disheartening season. 

But just like the sun and her flowers, we grow from our own wilting. When we shrink inward, it creates more space for beauty and strength to pour back in. Like the ground in the winter, our capacity to grow and create becomes stalled. But it's not forever. The thing about seasons is that they always come...and they always go. There is no such thing as an eternal winter or summer. 

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This is the first photo ever taken of my tattoo, gotten almost 6 years ago when I first moved to California, another very difficult season of doubt and confusion. This, however, is not my quote. C.S. Lewis is to thank for this pearl of wisdom. And when it comes to seasons, this is so true. Even in the best of times, better things are yet to come. And in the darkness of winter, new hope grows beneath the surface. 

There is so much power in being able to recognize that we are not evergreen. Like nature sheds its skin, its petals, its leaves, we must let go of our expectations, our attachment, our obsession with perfection in order to grow. 

And, in God's perfectly created irony and miraculousness, that is in fact how we grow.

Only and always through seasons. 

So whether you are blooming into spring or in your own version of winter, it will pass. And you will keep on growing, and growing, and growing, through it all. 

Finding Your Voice

So, I'm literally mute right now. Like I can't even whisper. Apparently I screamed "FREEDOM" too loudly all fourth of July weekend and I busted my whole voice box into red, white and blue confetti. And now, I am silent. 

It was funny for the first 2 interactions of the day, but after 8 hours of just sitting and nodding and smiling and pantomiming, I'm over it. I want my voice. 

Which, being someone who lives entirely in my own thoughts, made me think: how many people have lost their metaphorical voice? More importantly, how do you get it back?? 

I should define what I mean by "voice" in this particular instance: Your voice is your natural way of showing up in the world, if no one else had any say in how you do it. Would you be pensive and quiet? Would you be sharp and quick-witted? Would you be silly and exuberant? These are all completely valid voices to have--if they're true to who you are. 

But as we get older, we get jobs, we experience failure, we protect ourselves from heartbreak, we adapt to our current reality and somewhere along the way, we lose bits and pieces of who we started out as. And while it's incredibly important to grow, I think it's just as important to check in and ask ourselves, am I different now because I want to be or because I thought I had to be? That is the key difference between becoming the person you want to be and becoming the person you think you have to be. 

Take it from someone who was so terrified of being forgotten that she took control in every situation, regardless of wanting to or not. I thought I had to be in charge to be loved or to be heard. Now I understand that I just have to be my weird, emotional, intelligent self and success, happiness and love will always follow. 

Learn about Thyself

Yeah yeah, we are all unique flowers, but also, you fit into a category. And so do I. Take some time to understand how you interact internally and externally with the world around you. Everyone has heard of the Myers-Brigg personality test; 16 Personalities is a free site to get some serious insight into your own behavior. While Myers-Brigg is more focused on how you interact with others, my personal favorite is the Enneagram quiz. It takes a look at your inner workings and how you process thoughts on a deeper level. Neither test are incredibly long and you get some great insight into things you may have forgotten or never known about yourself!

Over the course of 10 years, I've gone from an ENTJ to an ENFJ to now, an ENFP. This simply means that as I've gotten older, I've become more and more emotional, creative and open with people. And while there are two part of myself that have never changed (extraverted and intuitive), I love the person I've chosen to become, based on my life experiences and environment.

So see where you're at now and take these again in a year from now to see how/if you've changed and assess if that's where you want to be. 

Choose your Reactions

I've read a thousand times over that the only thing we can control in life is our reaction to it. Now that you've taken a step back to really take a look at how you're currently responding to the world around you, CHOOSE if that's how you want to keep showing up! In my transformation to a more emotionally open person, I became TOO open and volatile. I had to learn how to reign that back in and respond to circumstances in ways that didn't send me totally into the deep end. And while I know emotionality is deeply rooted in who I am, I don't hide it because it makes some people uncomfortable and I don't let it consume me when I don't want it to, as best I can at least. 

While I did not choose to get full blown laryngitis, I think we can all agree that we've felt voiceless or like we're showing up like someone else or how someone else wants us to. 

Take back your voice. Learn about who you are right now and decide if that's who you want to keep being. 

I hope you enjoyed this post! Subscribe to my newsletter so you can Join the Journey as I work and write about my goal to become a world-class fighter. 

The Dangers of the "Cheat Meal" Mentality

We have ALL heard of a "cheat meal". And the internet is overflowing with opinions on when/if/how/why you should or shouldn't eat a cheat meal. 

It's overwhelming. I will always preach doing what works for you. In my experience as an athlete with a history of eating disorders and anxiety, I've found that cheat meals are a dangerous game for me to play. And it's not the meal itself that's the problem. 

As with all things in life, it's my thoughts and subsequent behaviors that stem from the ever-so-attractive cheat meal. 

I read a great article on Mind Body Green about someone who had lost weight using some particular thought patterns. Great read, check it out here. Here's the bit that got me thinking:

"Understand something: Cheat meals are not bad. There is plenty of support for indulging once in a while. The problem emerges when a 'cheat meal' becomes our reason for indulging whenever we want. (...) We get consumed with the fear of missing out, so the 'cheat meal' becomes our lifeline."

Maaaaan oh man, can I related to that! When I was cutting weight, I would literally watch HOURS of videos of food being made. (Thank you, Tasty.) It was an unhealthy obsession because I had deprived myself so hard for so long that I was literally fantasizing about "cheat food".

The cheat meal became my idol, my goal, my all encompassing hope at the end of this weight loss journey. 

Who wants to live like that??? When a single meal or food hijacks your thoughts and behaviors (think: killing yourself at the gym so you can "justify" that slice of pizza), you may be going down a dangerous path. 

Healthy romantic relationships typically have a zero cheating policy. Yet, in the most important relationship we have--the one between our body and our mind--we encourage cheating. To me, that signifies a serious problem. 

So here is my two-cents, take it for what it's worth: pay attention to your thoughts and behaviors surrounding "cheat meals". Do they help you feel refreshed and able to stay on track with your healthy lifestyle? I genuinely hope so and if they do, continue on! Do they leave you feeling depressed or obsessive about correcting your calories or punishing yourself for eating more than you had intended? Then maybe it's time to reevaluate your game plan. 

Moderation in daily life has can be far more sustainable than the all-or-nothing mentality, which I am 100% programmed to fall back on. But allowing myself to remove labels from food, not calling something good vs. bad, and just focusing on my nutrition and overall happiness has allowed me to really enjoy food. No cheat meals, no guilt, no punishment. Just a healthy, happy relationship with my body and with my (frequent) meals. 

I'd love to know what works for YOU! Let me know in the comments below!

I hope you enjoyed this post! Subscribe to my newsletter so you can Join the Journey as I work and write about my goal to become a world-class fighter. 

Mindfulness & Meditation for Beginners

Meditation and mindfulness. They are literally all the rage. Something that used to be SO out there is now written about and even promoted in corporate America because the truth is, it works. 

I've been practicing mindfulness every day, 10-15 minutes a day, for over a month. Even I'm shocked. 

So what's the big deal about meditation and mindfulness? Are they the same thing? 

Yes and no. Let's see here:

  • Meditation: the art of letting go, a sense of non-focus (because that sounds easy, right?)

  • Mindfulness: a form of meditation, focused awareness on a single object or activity, brining your awareness to the present moment  

If "Meditation" is the umbrella term, "Mindfulness" is just one of the many methods that fall underneath it to reach that ever-elusive "meditative state". 

Breathing exercises, mantras, walking meditations, visualization, object-focused meditation (starting at a flickering flame or a calming image) are all techniques and methods that can help you reach a meditative state. 

What is this meditative state? A quiet mind. That just means that, even if it's only for a brief moment, you aren't thinking. Your mind is quiet, your thoughts aren't the focus of your mind. 

Meditation is about realizing that our thoughts are not the same as our mind. 

Let that sink in for a moment because it honestly blew my mind (ha!) the first time it truly registered. But all I know are my thoughts! How could my mind be anything more than just a canister for the barrel of monkeys that are my thoughts?! 

Your mind is expansive and mysterious. As a Christian, I think that we're molded after an unexplainable God. And I think that, in His humor, He made parts of us unexplainable too.

Scientists and psychologists are truly diving into the power of mindfulness and meditation now and the facts are incredible. Check out these 20 reasons to meditate. 

Also, 8 science backed facts that happen to your brain when you meditate. 

And as always, I am a huge proponent of Headspace, but there are so many apps available. Find one that works for you and experience the benefits of meditation!

I hope you enjoyed this post! Subscribe to my newsletter so you can Join the Journey as I work and write about my goal to become a world-class fighter. 

Product Review: Gaia Adrenal Health Supplements

As someone who deals with varying levels of anxiety on a daily basis, I was VERY interested when I heard about this magical hormone balancing "adaptogenic" herb called "Ashwagandha". 

Mind you, I fully support the use of modern medicine for depression, anxiety and the like; while I have used medication in the past, I have the personal belief that the anxiety I deal with can be healed through holistic and functional medicine. I AM NOT A DOCTOR. Okay? Do your own research, ask questions and figure out what works for you--that's all I've done. 

That being said, after extensive research and shopping around, I found that these hippie pills have WORKED for me. 

I started out just taking Ashwagandha Root from Gaia. After getting through my first month of that, I hadn't noticed massive changes but I wanted to keep going and see if it just needed more time. 

After doing more research, I found their Adrenal Health Daily Support, which has a combination of a number of adaptogenic herbs that are supposed to help balance hormones and regulate moods. In addition, I started taking Adrenal Health Nightly Restore in the evenings to get the full range of herbs. 

Now, I am in my 4th month of consistently taking both the daily and nightly support pills and I feel GREAT! 

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What do I mean by great? Let me break it down:

  • No hormonal mood swings 

  • No panic attacks

  • Better, more sound sleep

  • Steady levels of energy throughout the day

Now, I still have anxiety. These supplements are meant to support, not cure. But since in the past two months especially, I've been able to quickly recognize mood changes and though patterns and adjust accordingly. I also used to get horrible, horrible mood swings around my cycle; I have not had a single irrational breakdown since I started taking these. 

I cannot and will not guarantee that you will have the same results. However, if you too suffer from constant or even occasional anxiety, do your research!! Between your brain and your adrenals, anxiety is NOT just "in your head". It is a physiological response to stress and there are ways to improve how you respond to stress, both through mental therapies AND herbal supplementation (and modern medication if that is what works well for you and for your body). 

If you have any questions or have found something that works for you, I would LOVE to hear about it!! This is a huge area of interest for me and I'm happy to share and learn more as I continue down this path of functional, holistic healing. 

Photography by Mackenzie Leigh